6 OF 10

TOTAL ACCEPTANCE OF FAILURE

It is so clear that from the second semester in 2023, things were changing for me. You can even see in on the website, instead of having a clear structure, this page is more of a mess. During this time, I was confronted with myself. I experienced anxiety for the first time. I was confronted with trauma and deep emotions, and I was kind of losing track of myself. I can now look back at this period as a time of change, discovering myself once again in a way I hadn’t done before.

I was also forced to let all these things happen, whilst being obligated to certain things being an art student. I was forced to deal with this, which happened to be a good thing for myself. Life feels like a constant search for identity and meaning. Therapy taught me that your past is automatically linked to your future, even on a transgenerational level. So, we, as people and artist, can find a purpose in discovering and accepting these ideas. It feels like a given thing you must accept. Likewise, I had to accept the failure of my body and mind during this period.

Though being harsh, here I also discovered that my work could help to process these things, even for other people. Besides totally accepting failure, I’m doomed to totally accept life as it is. I am convinced I cannot change my life or other people’s lives through my work, but I can help to accept the burden of it.

I do not try to become a role model, as I am clearly not, but I and others can start conversations about life and trauma. I haven’t done this for too long, as I was not ready for it, but art feels like a suitable platform to do so.

The reality of the internet shows that we are forming a more individualistic society. There is this idea of a social life on the internet, but we as humans don’t get the same satisfaction from it. Maybe these relationships are not fake, but I feel like they let go of all these human aspects of love, tenderness, and actual care. I hope for art to remain a platform where people come together, watch, and discuss. All of this doesn’t include a total rejection of technology, simply a healthier way of dealing and working with it.

There is a beautiful book called Diary of a Human Lie Detector by Annie Särnblad, author and anthropologist. She studies the importance and power of facial expression in communication between people. As a kid, we simply rely on these minor expressions to fully comprehend a message or emotion. In adulthood, we unconsciously interpret them too. Through digital and online communication, these nuances totally disappear. That’s why, I think, these days it is so easy to miscommunicate and spread fake news.

And once again, maybe here we should accept the reality. But that doesn’t hold us from making the best from it, and really think about all these changes can benefit us in the future.

As a last addition to this, I would like to invite myself and others to talk open about our ideas and concerns, also through art. Lately I try to watch and listen to people who try to ignore their shame and just speak up. I have always been very opinionated myself, often to my own detriment. I tend to generalise a person based on one idea I do not agree with. I guess my teenage years made me believe this was a healthy way of protecting myself or others. Nowadays, whilst growing up and realizing things, I actively try to keep conversations open and try to learn from other. I guess being an artist, this also includes getting to know other artists and learn from each other. Maybe there is no need to individualize my career. I must let go of the idea I should do everything myself, as with other things and works can become much richer.

I want to reference Natalie Wynn, also known as ContraPoints. On her YouTube-channel, she makes these kind of video essays on contemporary issues such as gender, cancel-culture and incel subculture. I learned so much from her, but especially she taught me to think for myself and discuss these things in real life. Only through debate and disagreement, we can grow and improve.