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ART WORLD DISILLUSIONS

Let’s end the tour on my curriculum vitae. To my surprise, it is quit an important document for an artist. They always ask for it, it makes the idea of being an artist very formal for me. At this moment, the document still feels as something I need to fill, like I have to prove I am doing something. I did this project, I collaborated with this person, or I am an intern there. It feels like proving yourself the whole time, on a piece of paper. Though I must say I hope to fill it properly and be considered real. I don’t know what I mean with real, guess I still have to figure it out.

In theory classes, they often talk about ‘the art world’. This institutional idea of people and places that form a kind of secluded part of society. A place where you must belong for specific reasons. It scares me, and I think others, to think about what we should do to belong, how can I get access to this world. Do I want to belong to this world? Isn’t it a very elitist world? In his book ‘Het Streven’, Hans den Hartog Jager states (loosely translated):

‘Contemporary art is all about freedom, but an artist who wishes to use this freedom outside of the institutionalized art world, has to let go of any power and therefore can’t mean anything in this art world and by extension the real world or society.’

So as an artist, you must rely on the system to do and mean something. I don’t know yet whether I agree with this statement, but I do feel the importance of this idea of an art world. There is the money and thereby the opportunities. As much as I can speak up about the horrors of this capitalist society, when it comes down to it, I will have to be part of it in order to do what I want to do. Sometimes I wonder if a possible career as an artist is a selfish decision. Should I do something more useful, something where I can help people one on one? I just hope I can achieve something within this career, something not purely personal. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to be worshipped, I just want to do something valuable to myself and especially others.

I do feel that a lot of the institutions that offer opportunities to young artist, are aware of the problematic and individualistic downside of our sometimes naïve goals or dreams. They often want to create a more diverse, collaborative and conscious space for us to grow as people and artists. This also means networking and socializing is important. This for me feels like a struggle, but I hope by doing it I can find a way to deal with it in my own may. I think about the historic cliché of an artist as this weird outsider that just does its thing without being bothered by other people’s burden. Sometimes I wish it could be like this, but then I remember right now it is impossible for me to be closed off from society, that would be a selfish act.

So, I will make my curriculum vitae, I will apply with a clean portfolio, and I will write and rewrite my motivation letters each time it is necessary. I will try to network and seek for opportunities. I will bullshit a lot about myself, because I feel I have to, although I am quite an introvert. I will admit to the rigid art world and all its systematic problems. But I hope I can do it without guilt, so I guess, together with other people, we will have to try to change the system. And if doesn’t work out, I can still pursue one of the other careers I already had: scanning products in a supermarket owned by a homophobe, serving donuts in a messed up multinational company or selling unnecessary insurance to people who can’t afford them.

Thanks for taking the time to read or listen to my thoughts. I hope it does work out in the end.

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